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Where's that #$!!$! password?!

Saturday, October 1, 2016   (0 Comments)
Posted by: LocalShops1 Boy
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Hi, website. I can’t find my password.


Don’t look at me like that. I just can’t find it! Or my username. Hey, I’ve got a lot going on and a bunch of passwords to keep up with. I thought this was my password, but it turns out that’s my ESPN fantasy football league password. It happens.


So, can I have my password?


I’ll answer any questions you ask. Hit me.

What do you mean, no questions? No help at all? It’s the middle of the night – I can’t call customer service. You’re closed!


Hey, look, I understand that security is necessary. I know people are out there trying to steal my identity. But I think some questions are safe. I really don’t think evil geek in China can guess what kind of car I had in the 11th grade. It’s possible that evil geek in China was that evil geek in my physics class so long ago and decided to chuck his American citizenship and move back to Beijing and was paying attention to my every move and can get my financials based on that knowledge he’s had for decades, but can’t we agree that’s a real stretch?


I’ll grant you that your new security system is a lot better than the old one, with the virtual keyboard I had to point and click my password into, and it was slow, and it had a time limit of 3 seconds. Whoever designed that thing watched "Mission: Impossible” too many times. Only in this version, I was Ethan Hunt hanging from the ceiling and the French guy in the ventilation shaft was sneezing constantly and screwing up the whole works. Thanks for getting rid of that. But for "just no” to be an improvement is a pretty sad commentary, don’t you think?


And I still can’t remember my password or my username.


I’ll just try things, then. Let’s see, was it the old email address? Was it numbers? My birthday, long-dead cat’s birthday, child’s birthday, all reversed? My birthday reversed in the middle? Child’s birthday, one digit in front, one at the end? With an exclamation point? Something from a movie I watched one night and thought would be a hard password for anyone to guess, including me?




Is it really good business to make this impossible? You have to have lost a few customers because of this. There are options out there, you know.


OK, I’ve said my piece. You know how I feel. Can I have my password now?




LocalShops1 Boy is a writer who would love to tell you more about himself, but he stored his bio away in a password-protected file and can't find it. If you need to reach him, e-mail us at and we'll track him down for you. He's available for freelance writing & editing assignments, too.



About LocalShops1

LocalShops1, est. 2008, is a coalition of hundreds of independently owned  businesses and tens of thousands of energetic shoppers with the mission of advocating, promoting and offering support services to companies throughout Tampa Bay. 

Expert Voices features guest blogs by those who know best: The local restaurateurs, nutritionists, contractors, fashion stylists and more. They're the ones who help make Tampa Bay a better place, one business at a time.

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